The Secret Diary of Goldy Gardner, Aged 10 and three-quarters by Janette Le Fay (happyhobbits@hotmail.com)



4th Afterlithe

Elanor is annoying me. She said I could help her make a cake for tea, but then when we got to the making of it she only let me mix the stuff together. She said it hurt her arm mixing it and then she pushed me because I flicked cake mix in her hair by an accident. It was by mistake and it was her fault in any case because she made me mix it even when she knew the wooden spoon was too big and the bowl was too small and I couldn't reach the table proper-like. So I told Mam on her and Mam said to Elanor that she oughted to be ashamed, pushing her little sister, and she oughted to, but Elanor said I sounded like Goldilocks in the story where everything had something wrong with it. She said I always think there's something wrong with everything, which is not true in any case because I don't think there's aught wrong with Uncle Frodo's stories or Faramir Took or Mam's pies.

Elanor's pies are yucky. So are Uncle Frodo's, but at least he doesn't make us eat them when they get all burnt round the edges and hard in the middle. Elanor thinks hers are nice. I think they look like anthills.

5th Afterlithe

Rose has got a cold. Mammy made her drink some horrible brown stuff, so I am glad that I haven't got a cold because Rose didn't look very happy about the brown stuff. She made a funny noise and it nearly came out of her nose, only Mam said she had to drink it and it would make her better.

She's not better yet so I think maybe Mam put something wrong in the yucky brown stuff. I hope it doesn't kill Rose. If Rose dies I could have the dress she wore to the party last Yule, only I don't want her to die anyways because I like her more than the dress most of the time. Besides, the dress would be too big for me and the ribbon is fraying at the back because it used to be Elanor's.

6th Afterlithe

Uncle Frodo told me a story tonight. It was about Elves and it had Legolas in it. I like Legolas because he can shoot arrows. I wish I could shoot arrows. Frodo-lad said he can but I think he is lying, because we haven't got any arrows at Bag End. Uncle Frodo said arrows are not very nice, but I told him I thought they were pretty because they have nice coloured feathers on them. Then Sam-dad came in and said arrows aren't pretty if they get you in the neck. I suppose they wouldn't be because the feathers would get all covered in blood and dirt and things.

Then I went away because Sam-dad started kissing Uncle Frodo, yuck. It's not fair how we have to be careful when we're ill in case we give Uncle Frodo germs, but Sam-dad gives him trillions of germs all the time. I know all about germs, they are these little animals and you have your own sort and they only like you, and if your germs go in someone else's body they eat the other person because they want to come back to you.

Frodo-lad said germs were sort of like the Ring, but I think he is lying again because he can't shoot arrows anyway. When I grow up I am going to have a long white dress and shoot arrows like the Lady Eowyn, and then he'll see.

And now I have to go for tea, because Mammy has made marmalade roll, and Uncle Frodo could not have cooked anything because he was reading to me, so it should be safe unless Elanor made another pie.

~

Pretty Good Year