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In the End

Author: Bri
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss's and David's. Grr, argh, people's. Any questions?
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Faith has a moral dilemma, Angel and Lindsey help her come to a decision.
Spoilers: None. It's set far in the future, an indeterminate time, but obviously after Faith has gotten out of prison.
Author's Notes: The song I stole the title from is called "In the End" by my new favorite band, Linkin Park. I highly recommend their CD (Hybrid Theory) to anyone and everyone.


After all these years, it's come down to this. All those years of fighting, fighting the demons, fighting the world, fighting myself. All that progress I thought I had made. All the effort he'd made to save me, all the tears I cried in private, all the determination I felt to prove him right and everyone else wrong. After all that, it all boils down to the gun I hold in my trembling right hand.

It starts with
One thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on
But didn't even know
Wasted it all
Just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried/It all fell apart
What it meant to me
Will eventually be
A memory
Of a time when

"Come on, Faith, you don't have to do this," he urges. I swivel my eyes to look at the man standing off to the side, watching my little showdown, complete with inner turmoil and self-doubt.

"Angel, you know I do," I reply hollowly. I level my gaze on the man at the end of the barrel, eyeing me with wariness. "He represents everything I've been trying to destroy."

Angel chuckles mirthlessly. "Faith, you know there's no human I'd rather have wiped out of existance than Lindsey McDonald. But that's not your job. You're meant to kill demons and vampires, not people."

I take my eyes off Lindsey to focus on Angel. "But there's always an exception to the rule," I insist. "You're a vampire, and I haven't killed you."

Angel smiles, a genuine one. "Not that you didn't try," he reminds me.

I half-smile in return, but it disappears as I catch the movement out of the corner of my eye. I swing my eyes back to Lindsey, who is attempting to get out of the path of the gun. "Watch it, McDonald," I warn.

Lindsey rolls his eyes. "Faith, why are you doing this to yourself?" he asks me in disgust. He waves his hand in the air, indicating everything around me.

"Look at this world. It doesn't do anything for the good guys. The only ones who succeed are the ones who aren't too weak to take advantage of life and opportunity. When I met you, you understood that. Then you let him get to you," he spit out.

I feel like I'm watching a tennis match. My gaze goes back to Angel, who can see the uncertainty in my eyes. "Don't let him undo everything we've done together," Angel urges. "You've come so far."

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

"Does it matter?" I ask darkly. I feel helpless, knowing I'm slipping. Damn him. Damn Lindsey. I was doing so well. How in the hell did he get into my head? How did I let him get this power over me? He's the devil on my shoulder to Angel's, well, angel. Which one's going to win? 'Cause for all Lindsey's faults, he's right on this one. The good get nothing in this world.

I learned that a long time ago. What made me decide it was worth trying to redeem myself?

One thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised
It got so (far)
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though it all fell apart
What it meant to me
Will eventually be
A memory
Of a time when I

"Faith, don't," Angel says softly. "Don't second-guess yourself. You did the right thing and you know it."

"Do I?" I ask quickly. My right hand lowers gradually, dropping the gun to my side. Lindsey breathes an imperceptible sigh of relief. "Maybe all I know right now is that Lindsey's right. The world doesn't favor the good. I knew that for years, until you decided to become the savior that right now, I don't really think I needed."

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't really matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't really matter

I can see the disappointment in Angel's eyes. He's thinking he's lost me. I don't know. Maybe he has. Maybe he hasn't. I can't think with the two of them telling me why I should follow their lead. When did I become the sheep?

How did I get to the point where I had to look to someone else to guide me?

Maybe it's time I made a decision for myself.

I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
But for all this
There's only one thing you should know…
I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
But for all this
There's only one thing you should know…
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't really matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't really matter

Dropping the gun, I turn to Angel. "You're right," I admit. I can see the relief overshadow the disappointment. Reaching inside my jacket, I pull out the one thing I can always depend on, besides myself. I take a quick step over to Angel, not trembling in the least. I feel calm, confident. I finally know what I'm doing, for the first time in a long time. "I don't kill people. I kill vampires." With a quick motion, I slip the stake straight into his heart. There's the briefest flash of shock, pain, and regret before he's gone, a pile of ashes lingering at my feet.

I step back, glancing quickly at Lindsey, whose mouth is hanging open. "Better shut it before something nasty decides it's an open invitation," I tease lightly, sliding the stake back into my jacket pocket. I hold out an arm. "I heard that Lilah got offed. You in the mood for another partner?" I ask casually.

Lindsey's expression shifts from shock to pleasure. "When she has your attitude and looks, how can I say no?" he returns. He takes my arm and starts to lead me back to Angel's car.

I don't look back at Angel's remains. I don't need to. There's no uncertainty in me anymore, no need for reassurance. Being evil is the simple choice.

Someone should have told Angel not to underestimate the attraction of simplicity.