Faith. The funny thing about faith is I've never had it in my life till now. Well, I've had HER, Faith the person. But never in my beliefs.

I guess faith is something you acquire slowly. And one day, without even realizing it - BAM!! You've got something to live for. That's how it was with me.

I left LA. Once she got out of prison, she left LA. We met up in New York City not to long after our releases. Hers in a different way from mine. I gotta admit, she looked a lot better than she did the first time we were introduced. Maybe it was the whole hair-washing thing, but she seemed like a totally different person. Not so much broody (like a certain tanless man I used to know), but calmer. At times almost pensive, but without losing that spark. I don't think I'm explaining it right.

I was out hunting for vampires one night around 3am in one of the empty streets. Yeah, I know. Lindsey McDonald, vampire lawyer, out killing the guys he used to protect in a court of law. Weird. Anyway, I was out hunting some vampires when I got myself into a little bit of trouble. TThere were two left, and they were wiping the floor with me. Not for blood, just for the fun of it.

I was on the ground bleeding, trying to figure out where I had dropped my stake. All of a sudden out came a dark beauty, fighting with a fury I'd never seen before. I don't really remember the details of the fight, mostly because I had a concussion and it was too much work for me to turn my head every time she threw them in another direction. But before I knew it she was helping me up. She recognized me before I figured out who she was, and I got another punch in the face, dropping me to the ground--again.

"What the fuck kinda game is this?!?"

"Faith?" I felt stupid the second after the word came out, but hey, I had a concussion.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she spat out. Christ I haven't heard that kind of hatred in someone's voice since Angel. Probably because no one here knows what a shit I am.

"Vampires. 4 of them, I guess I lost." Damn. I sounded so pathetic.

Faith looked me over, I could tell she was trying to decide something. Without a word she helped me up again, this time without putting to much concern into my comfort and started pulling me up the street. "Where are we going?"

"The hospital."

"Are you hurt?" finding myself concerned all of a sudden. She looked healthy enough to me.

"No, you are." I looked down and saw that my shirt was covered in blood.

My head hurt like hell too. We walked the rest of the way in silence, it was only a 2 blocks to Saint Agatha's. About half way there my legs started to give out and she let me brace myself against her shoulder.

Faith walked me into the hospital, going directly into the emergency room. I guess she'd been there before. After getting the nurse's attention, she turned and left.

The next day I called in some of my old connections. I'm not to big on frequenting demon bars anymore, but that was the only way I knew how to find out if anyone (thing?) knew where a slayer would be. Sure enough, I found out. To this day I have no clue what drove me to find Faith. At the time I told myself it was just to say thank you. But that wasn't it. Maybe I just needed a reminder of my life in LA. To know that it wasn't just a bad dream, that those decisions had been made. Hell, maybe I just wanted to know for sure if she had been there and it wasn't just a concussion-induced idea that popped into my head.

Whatever the reason, I found her. She'd cleaned out most of the Bronx and was still going. It was pretty much common knowledge among any of the semi intelligent vamps to stay away form there. It's a good thing most vamps aren't known for their intelligence.

After that all I had to do was start looking around the Bronx area. It wasn't that hard to figure out the kind of places to look.

Faith was working at a small bar called the Grasshopper. There were only a few quite drunks lurking in the corner, she was behind the bar drinking her beer and staring at the TV, obviously bored outta her mind. I walked in, sat right in front of her, clearing my throat to get her attention.

She didn't say anything, just raised her eyebrow at me.

"I came to thank you for saving me." Not the best start I'll admit, but what was I supposed to say.

"How'd you find me?" There was a little frustration in her voice, but mostly just her being curious. I could tell she didn't see me as a threat, maybe watching me get thrown around like a rag doll made me seem a little more defenseless than she remembered.

"I knew who to ask." No more detail than needed.

"Well Mr. McDonald, you're welcome. Anything else?" Sarcasm. Just great.

"I'll take a beer. Whatever's on tap." From there we started drifting into a conversation. I told her about Wolfram & Hart, but she had already known. Apparently Faith had been keeping iin contact with Angel and asked why I'd been there. Probably to see if she should be saving the world from one of my old law firm's schemes. She told me about what she'd been up to since prison. Both of us keeping ourselves pretty formal, not asking anything too personal.

"Shift's over and you know I can't pay ya any overtime," the manager had come in from the back to replace Faith. He looked like one of those nice old guys, the kind that shouldn't be working at a bar. An ice cream store maybe, but not a bar.

"Sure thing Mickey."

"I told you not to call me that, my name's Michael. Haven't been called Mickey since I was your age." Even as he said it there was a sincere smile on his face. "Now get out of this dump and enjoy yourself."

"You comn'?" The question was directed at me.

"Huh?

"I said are you coming?"

"Yeah," I couldn't help but smile. She smiled back, a smirk that slowly turned into a lopsided grin. She was asking me to slay with her, Faith had mentioned that every night after work she patrolled. We walked out together, Faith leading the way.

As time went by we developed a pattern. I go into the bar around 11 o'clock, and have a beer while I talked to Faith. Some times about slaying stuff, usually about life in general. She grew up a lot like me, I wasn't as bad off, my parents were never abusive. Just poor. But it was nice to have someone to empathize with. Then once her shift was over at 11:30 we'd go out slaying.

I gotta admit that it was refreshing to be able to have someone with me. The fact that the someone in question was a slayer and could watch my back did help some too. After we'd usually go to get food. Damn, that girl can eat.

Then one day our pattern changed.

There were 3 demons, BIG demons. They were performing some kind of ritual, pouring blood on a dead girl's body and chanting. I held my own for a while, but I'm no slayer so Faith did get most of the action. She was fighting differently than usual. Before, when it was an easier kill, I could sense that she was holding back. Now, it was more than just kill 'em and go to the next. Faith was savoring every hit. With each punch her grin just grew bigger.

Once they were dead she looked almost disappointed.

"Ribs?" I figured she was about ready to eat a horse after a kill like that. Faith just looked at me with a funny smile playing on her lips. Before I knew what was happening she was kissing me. I don't mean a friendly peck on the cheek; I'm talking about a real make out session. With tongue and teeth and hands. Anyone who says you don't kiss with your hands, well, they've never been kissed right. I pulled away a moment later.

"What?"

"We shouldn't be-" I didn't have time to finish.

"Come on Linds. We're both consenting adults. All that fighting-- I'm about ready to pop." With that said she kissed me again, this time not being met with any hesitation on my part.

My apartment was pretty far away, so Faith and I went to her motel room. Never breaking contact for more than a moment.

The sex was, well, perfect. Believe my, I've had my share of encounters, but with her it was passionate, in a way even tender. A few hours later it was over, both of us spent and sweating.

"That was great," Faith got up and headed to the shower. I rolled over to go to sleep when all Faith causally said, "See ya tomorrow."

To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement. "What?"

"Tomorrow. You'll be at the bar right? Mickey's loves having someone to talk about the Red Sox with."

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." I've never been thrown out of someone's bed after sex. Never. Even Darla who couldn't care less about me would cuddle in my arms before she got up to kill and maim things. In fact, I was usually the one to remind my partners when our casual sex was just casual. This was a new experience for me.

Getting up I quickly got dressed. Hoping to leave with some of my dignity still intact.

~

After that our relationship turned even weirder. I've got more than enough money from my Wolfram and Hart days never to have to work again, so I bought an apartment on the East Side. Once Faith got thrown out of her motel room for not being able to pay rent, I asked her to move in with me. She gave me a funny look when I did; it was only after the words came out that I realized what I was implying.

"I've got a spare room. Don't worry, no expectations." Tthis was only met with her trademark lopsided grin. "You think you could make something happen if I didn't want it to Linds?" God she was sexy, the confidence, the walk (OK, it was more like a swagger), everything about Faith made me want to be close to her.

"No. I don't think anyone could make you do anything, actually." I replied with ease. And it was the truth.

After that we moved in together. Ate together. Slayed together. Did everything together. She was my best friend. Sometimes I'd get a repeat performance of that night we had sex, but afterwards she would always go back to her room.

Is it possible to miss someone that is just down the hall?

Screaming. Horrible screams that reminded me of things I promised myself I'd never think of again. Things that-more screaming.

I ran into Faith's room to find here asleep. Curled up under the blankets, whimpering. I'd never seen her cry, not once.

"Please don't-" the rest of her plea was muffled by more tears. I was at h her side in an instant.

"Shhhh... It's OK. Everything's alright." Beginning to gently rock her form b back and forth I quietly whispered soothing things in her ear. Things that my older sister would say to me when I was younger. Slowly her eyes fluttered open; Faith wordlessly inched closer to me so that she rested on my chest and my arms cradled her body.

"Linds," There was something different about her voice. It was younger.

"I'm here."

"I killed them. All of them. What if he had a family, and friends? He probably had friends that miss him. And Lester. Lester said he was a bachelor. I ruined any chance of him finding a wife. He would have been happy with a wife. But I stabbed him. I stabbed him so many times. There was blood but I didn't care. There was so much blood." The ramble stopped only to bring on more tears.

I wasn't completely sure what she was talking about. It didn't really matter. I'd been there too. Because of me, people were dead.

"It's going to be fine. Your going to be fine," I was desperately trying to calm her down. To make her feel safe, protected. That must sound funny, me trying to protect the very protector of humanity.

"Is it? Is it ever really going to be fine again?" She finally met my gaze. There was a desperate look on her face, but her voice held a bitterness in it. I didn't know what to say. So I just held her, trying to take away her pain, and mine.

Hours went by. Neither of us breaking the silence. Until finally I spoke, almost to myself, but loud enough for her to hear.

"My hand used to belong to a co-worker. He was a friend, we used to go for beers together. It was my job to hire assassins, I decided who lived and who died. I'd go to court to put bloodthirsty killers back on the street, knowing they would kill again. There was blood from me too, I just never saw it."

I was looking at my hand. Studying the thin red scar that surrounded it now. Without that line, the hand would be mine. I would be whole. But I'm not.

"Do you think we could ever fix things? Ever find redemption?" Her question was sincere this time. I'd asked myself that question so many times before. I wanted nothing more to equal out the scale. Make things better. But I couldn't lie to her, she'd been lied to enough.

"Probably not, but we'll try." With that said I leaned in closer to her, close enough for our lips to almost meet. "We'll try together."

That's we had what I consider our first real kiss. No sex. Just a kiss. She fell asleep in my arms that night; there weren't anymore bad dreams. As dawn came up, I swear I saw a tiny smile appear on her lips. That's when I realized I'd found my faith. I had faith that we would make it.

The End