index | updates | images | fiction | quotes | essays | beta readers | links | awards | email |






Note: The song Faith writes/sings is called "No Man's Girl" and it's actually
an original song that I wrote. Hope you like it, and please don't take it
without permission.




Cordelia heard the bell over the door tinkle and responded automatically.
“Welcome to Angel Investigations, we help the…” She trailed off as she saw
who had come in. “It’s you. Hey, you.”

Lindsey quirked his lips in a brief smile. “Hey, Cordy. I’ve actually come
to speak to your boss.”

Cordy rolled her eyes. “You mean tall, dark, and unpleasant?”

Lindsey laughed. “He didn’t tell you about last night?”

Cordy’s eyes sparkled mischievously as she propped her chin up on clasped
hands. “Sit. And tell me.”

Lindsey obligingly eased himself onto the couch, waiting until Cordy had come
out from behind the counter and sat down with him, to start. “Faith and I got
back about three-thirty this morning. We were on the front steps kissing when
Angel swung the door open. I thought for sure he was going to rip every limb
from my body. Surprised the hell out of both of us when he said hi to Faith,
then said hi to me. Then, he invited me inside.”

Cordy’s eyes widened. “That’s like a vampire stamp of approval!” she
exclaimed. “Inviting you in means they trust you.”

Lindsey nodded. “I’m not exactly sure what’s going on in that over-gelled
brain of his, but it looks like he’s placing more importance on what Faith
needs than on what he wants.”

Cordy snickered. “And you’re so sure you’re what Faith needs. Man, you men
and your self-importance.”

Lindsey smirked. “I was more referring to Faith needing to feel that her
decisions aren’t being criticized. Whether it’s me, someone else, or no one
at all, she needs Angel’s acceptance.”

Cordy looked at him approvingly. “You’re a lot more intuitive than you act,
McDonald.”

Lindsey shrugged. “There’s a lot going on inside my mind that I don’t tell
people about. That’s one of the reasons that Faith and I click. We don’t
tell people things. We do it all ourselves.”

Cordy nodded. “Faith’s always so closed off. She’s so much better than she
used to be, but Angel and Wes and I still get frustrated with her. We can
tell she’s not telling us anything, and when we ask what’s going on she shrugs
her shoulders and says ‘five by five.’ Yeah, like that’s telling us
anything!” she griped.

Lindsey smiled. “She’s not a sharer. Neither am I. That’s just something
you have to understand, and be tolerant of. It’s not going to change for a
long time.”

Cordy nodded again, stopping abruptly as she heard a noise coming down the
stairs. She whirled around on the couch, looking towards the staircase. “Oh.
Angel. Hi.” She looked at Lindsey, then back at Angel, smiling. “You have
a visitor.”

Angel rolled his eyes at her. “Thanks for stating the obvious, Cordelia.”

Cordelia smiled sunnily. “Don’t mention it. Although you should remember my
skills next time I’m up for review.” She grinned at his scowl as she
collected her things. “Don’t mind me, I’m on my way out. Manicure, if anyone
asks.” She gave Lindsey a tiny wave before darting out the door.

Angel looked at Lindsey in silence for a minute. “So why are you here,
Lindsey?” he asked politely.

Lindsey started to stand up but Angel shook his head, then took a seat in the
chair across from him. Lindsey looked down at his hands for a minute,
composing his thoughts. When he finally had them in some semblance of order,
he looked into Angel’s eyes. “I want to be with Faith. She wants to be with
me. But in order for that to happen, you and I need to work some things
out.”

Angel nodded. “I know that,” he said quietly. “Why do you think I’ve been
trying to be civil to you the last couple days?”

Lindsey smiled. “Believe me, Angel, the effort has been noted and
appreciated.”

Angel looked hard at him. “Why is she so important to you, Lindsey? What
makes Faith different?”

“What made her different to you?” Lindsey countered. “What made you try so
damn hard to save her, especially in the face of all the opposition you
encountered in doing so? Wesley and Cordelia hated you for aiding and
abetting the enemy. Buffy thought you’d betrayed her. The Watcher’s Council
came after you. Why, then, did you find it so important that you save this
one girl who, from all appearances, was a lost cause?” Angel had no response
for that, so Lindsey continued. “It’s because she’s special. She’s one of
those people who just reaches in and grabs your heart when you’re not looking.
Faith is not a woman you can let go of without letting go of a part of
yourself.”

Angel looked at Lindsey, impressed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak
with such emotion,” he commented.

Lindsey smiled softly. “Faith inspires me.”

Angel stared at him. “How do you really feel about her?” he asked sharply.
“Tell me the truth. I need to know.”

Lindsey looked at his hands again, and the room was quiet for several minutes.
Angel heard Lindsey’s throat working audibly, and when the younger man looked
up, there was raw emotion shining in his eyes. “I love her,” he said
honestly, painfully. “I could never tell her that because it would be the one
thing to make her run forever, but I love her.”

Angel nodded. “I believe you,” he admitted.

Lindsey smiled, looking at something Angel couldn’t see, some memory he was
holding inside. “I remember the first time I saw her, well, the first time I
saw her after she got out of prison. It was at Caritas. She was singing.”

Angel blinked. “Singing? Faith sings?” he asked disbelievingly.

Lindsey nodded. “She was singing this really hard, angry song. She wrote it
herself, and everybody was amazed.” Angel just gaped as he listened to
Lindsey describe a side of Faith he’d never seen, or even known existed. “And
I knew, when I looked at her and saw how angry she was, and the hurt she tried
to hide with the anger, that I’d found the one person who could rival me in
misguided pain.”

Lindsey’s mind drifted back to that night. He’d walked into Caritas on a
whim. He’d played his guitar there several times since he got his new hand,
but he’d gotten busy with several of Wolfram and Hart’s lower-class cases and
hadn’t been able to go for weeks. So one night when he found himself with no
impending research, he picked up his guitar and headed for the club.

He’d walked in the door and stopped dead when he heard the husky, angry
feminine voice biting out lyrics ridiculing the idea of commitment, scathingly
rejecting the advances of some guy. He’d been spellbound when he walked
further into the club and saw the goddess standing on stage, her long dark
hair curled and cascading wildly down her back, her leather pants gleaming and
her black tank top looking painted on. Her eye makeup was thick and dark, her
lipstick blood-red and thick as well, making her look dangerous and demonic
and sexy as hell.

I’m not the type to use love like a crutch
I don’t need someone to fill me with doubt
A man like you and a woman like me. . .
You gotta know it’ll never work out

You seem to think you can change my mind
With a lot of pretty words and fancy speeches
But I know that I don’t need what you offer
That’s what independence teaches

Lindsey approached the Host as she finished her first verse. “What’s
she doing here?” he whispered.

The Host shook his head wondrously. “Name’s Faith. Singing an original. Can
you believe the set of pipes on this bird? Oh, she’s got a voice that’d make
a jailhouse crooner cry.”

Lindsey nodded, never taking his eyes from the black angel on the stage.

What do you want from me?
What do you want me to do?
I’ve been as clear as I can be
I’m not the one for you
You need someone who’ll love you
Who’ll set your heart in a whirl
But baby that’s not me
You know I’m no man’s girl

When I fall in love it’s gonna be the real thing
I won’t be taken in by promises and lies
And even though you say, say that you’ll be true
I can see it in your eyes

I know how to walk away from temptation
When I know that it’ll only hurt me if I stay
So when I say I don’t want you coming on to me
Take the hint and walk away

What do you want from me?
What do you want me to do?
I’ve been as clear as I can be
I’m not the one for you
You need someone who’ll love you
Who’ll set your heart in a whirl
But baby that’s not me
You know I’m no man’s girl

You don’t seem to get that I’m okay on my own
That I like being single and free
Don’t try to push me to accept your attention
I don’t need a man controlling me

What do you want from me?
What do you want me to do?
I’ve been as clear as I can be
I’m not the one for you
You need someone who’ll love you
Who’ll set your heart in a whirl
But baby that’s not me
You know I’m no man’s girl

What do you want from me?
What do you want me to do?
I’ve been as clear as I can be
I’m not the one for you
You need someone who’ll love you
Who’ll set your heart in a whirl
But baby that’s not me
You know I’m no man’s girl

As her voice faded away, the crowd burst into rapturous applause, Lindsey
clapping harder than anyone. Faith smiled briefly at them before sliding off
the stage, slipping unnoticed into the crowd.

Lindsey picked up his guitar and quickly disappeared out the front door. For
some reason he couldn’t quite fathom, he realized that now was not the time to
announce his presence to an unprepared Faith. He walked briskly down the
street, walking back to his apartment, mulling over the woman who’d made such
a lasting impression on him.

Lindsey shook himself out of his memories as he realized Angel was talking to
him. “What’s that, Angel?” he asked.

Angel smirked at Lindsey’s dazed look. “I just asked if you know how Faith
feels about you.”

Lindsey shrugged. “I know she cares about me. I know she feels like I
understand her, what she’s going through, and the things she can’t possibly
explain, somehow I already know. But to that girl, love is a profanity. It’s
a fairy-tale that others can believe they have, but she has no right to even
believe exists. If I told her I loved her, she’d get scared. She’d think I
have expectations that she can’t fill. And she’d run.”

Angel watched the emotions flit across Lindsey’s face. “Somehow, Lindsey, I
think you’re underestimating her.”

Faith chose that moment to come strolling through the door. “Hey Lin!” she
said happily, bouncing over to the couch and landing in his lap, kissing him
loudly on the lips. Lindsey disentangled himself from her exuberant embrace,
looking amused. While her gaze was directed over his head, he cast a glance
at Angel, begging him wordlessly to keep his confidence.

Angel nodded thoughtfully. Faith slid off Lindsey’s lap and onto the couch,
curling up next to him and telling them both about the outfit she’d just
bought that would make Jennifer Lopez look modest. Yeah, Lindsey, I really
think you’re underestimating her he thought with a silent chuckle. And
with Faith, that’s far more dangerous than you can imagine.


Part 5