Tourner Toujours: Part I
Author: Karen Jack
-----

Faith almost laughed out loud when the guard led her into the room to be met with the vision of Lindsey McDonald. She tilted her head slightly and smiled.

"You here in a lawyer capacity? Cos I hate to burst your bubble but I already got representation."

Lindsey looked at her and shook his head. He fiddled wih a pen, tapping it on top of a file that was placed on the table in front of him.

"I heard you were seeking redemption. I just wondered how it was working out for you."

"What do you care?" Faith countered as the guard pushed her roughly into the chair opposite him," Hey! Watch the threads, they cost a bomb!"

Lindsey chuckled at her irony and let go of the pen. He still looked nervous but Faith could tell he was trying to hide it.

"You owe us money Faith," he said, not taking his eyes from hers.

"Yeah? Well, when I sell my story, I'll be sure to give you a cut of the profits."

Lindsey laughed again, this time it seemed to be a genuine reaction. Faith regarded him with interest. What on earth was he doing here?

"How about you tell me it?" Lindsey asked.

"What?" Faith said, glancing at the guard who watched her with loathing from the other side of the room. She was sure she could take both her and the lawyer if she felt so inclined.

"Your story," Lindsey picked up the pen again.

//tap tap//

"Why do you want to hear it?"

//tap tap tap//

"I'm curious about what redemption holds for you....whether its really worth it."

//tap//

"You thinking about a life change Mr Lawyer?"

//tap tap tap tap//

"Maybe," Lindsey avoided her eyes, fixing his gaze on his fake hand.

"It might ke a while," Faith sighed," But okay, you asked for it."

***

Shall we start at the beginning?

Okay.

A shy girl walked towards her school, her hair was braided roughly, her clothes betraying her family's poverty. No-one would talk to her today. No-one would look at her with anything but pity and disgust.

Every morning she scrubbed her face and hair in an attempt to disprove the taunts about her personal hygiene. She had worn the same clothes to school for almost two years now, her mother preferring to pay for bottles of whiskey rather than the cost of new attire.

The sun shone down on her but did nothing to penetrate the chill that encompassed her entire being.

"Faith Andrews?"

A woman stepped out from a garden. She was immaculately dressed and her accent betrayed the fact she was not from the area.

"Um...yeah?" Faith looked around her. She did not feel comfortable talking to anyone, not least a stranger who somehow knew her name.

"You have to come with me," the woman smiled warmly," We have a lot to discuss."

Tell me more about your mother

Hey, who's telling this story?

Part II

Just dont skip anything.

I'm not. We'll get back to the alcoholic slut in time.

Oh. That bad?

You'd better believe it.

The girl looked at the woman disbelievingly. Did she really expect her to just wander off to wherever the hell she was going? Faith hadn't grown up sheltered from the world, she knew the evil that existed in the hearts of some people.

"Your destiny awaits you Faith."

"My destiny doesn't happen to be being cut up into little pieces and dumped at the side of an interstate does it?"

The woman laughed at her cynicism, tossing her beautiful blonde hair behind her as she did so. She smiled at Faith and took her hand gently.

"My reaction to be told of my destiny was somewhat like yours, except your destiny is fraught with danger."

"I haven't got a destiny," Faith spat and snatched her hand back before starting to continue on her journey.

"Do you believe in vampires, Faith?" the woman called after her. Faith stopped and turned back to look at her.

"Now I know you're wacked," Faith laughed, wearing the facade of a self-assured teen.

"You're a slayer Faith. It's your destiny to rid the world of all of hell's creatures," the woman folded her arms and frowned," Meet me tonight at Heaven's Gate cemetary."

Faith didn't have a chance to answer as the woman turned and walked away. Faith watched her leave, captivated by her grace and the unbelievable feeling of goodness that she emitted. Then she turned and headed towards school again, glancing back regularly to check the woman had not vanished in a puff of smoke.

***

Something seemed to shield Faith frothe tirade of abuse that was the norm for her arriving at the school. The sudden belief that she was better than them all, different in a good way, causng her bck to straighten and confidence to radiate from her.

Even Charity Alexander, the most popular and viscious girl in the school, seemed less eager to approach her.

The words of the strange woman echoed in Faith's ears and the school work just didnt seem to register so Faith decided to cut class to see if she could find anything to indicate that this woman was telling her the truth.

She felt intimidated by the sheer scale of the town library as she walked in. Shelves and shelves of books spanned out before her. Slowly, Faith walked up to the assistant, ignoring the look of suspicion she received, and leant forward slightly.

"I was wondering.....do you have books on vampires?"

The woman nodded with realisation. Here was another teen with her thoughts being tempted by that of the dark side. The seductive charm of vampires got them all. She attempted a smile and led her to the section on demon mythology.

"Anything about a slayer?" Faith asked, suddenly daunted by the size of the collection.

The woman looked confused but replied that she would check the files for her. Before she left she retrieved a book on vampire lore for Faith to study while she did so.

What age were you?

Fourteen.

Fourteen? My God!

It gets worse.

Oh.

Part III

Do you want a coffee?

Sure. Sweet. Very. Kinda needing a caffiene high right now.

The mythology of the vampire slayer existed. Faith was shocked to read it but secretly delighted too. Now she had a purpose, a future that did not include dropping out of school and working in a road side diner like her mother.

She could have skipped on the way home but she was slightly afraid of what lay before her. She would have to kill demons. She hadn't even believed in such things before.

She reached the trailer park and any trace of high spirits quickly evaporated. She could hear her mother and father fighting, slaps and screams resonating throughout the camp. She could hear her little brother crying too and quickly ran to rescue him from the centre of the argument.

She picked him up and ran between the trailers, intent on taking him away from that place, take him to anywhere nice. He was two years old, a delightfully chubby, cherubic faced boy with curly blond hair which shone in the sun like a halo. Faith had already guessed that he was the result of one of her mother's many affairs but she didnt care. The love she felt for him was immense and completely pure.

"Faith!" her mother screamed after her," You bring Jordy back here now!"

Faith closed her eyes and sighed. She hugged Jordy tightly until his tears had subsided then she reluctantly walked back to where her mother was standing.

"Don't you ever take him away," her mother snapped, snatching him from Faith's arms and placing him back on the ground," You spiteful bitch!"

"Mama, I just thought...."

"Dont. Andrews weren't built to think," her mother sneered," They were built to fuck and fail"

Faith stared at her mother with loathing, suddenly filled with the urge to slam her face into the side of the trailer until she bled. Her mother laughed loudly, obviously completely stoned, then turned and slammed the door behind her.

***

It was a less than upbeat Faith who arrived in the cemetary that night. She had dressed in her black t-shirt and cut off jeans, hoping she would blend into the night. Her reputation was already bad enough without someone who knew her spotting her loitering around graves.

"Ah Faith," the woman rom that morning stepped out from behind a large angel headstone. She was still dressed in a smart suit and her smile was still welcoming. Faith felt more at ease around her than she had ever done with anyone.

"Hey...watcher? You are my watcher, right?"

"You've been doing your homework," the woman seemed genuinely delighted," I'm Magaret Aston-Lowell, pleased to meet you."

Faith accepted the outstretched hand and shook it. Nobody had ever praised her before and it felt surprisingly good.

"Now," Magaret turned," Time to get to work."

Suddenly a man charged towards them. Faith was horror struck as she took in the fact his brow was grotesquely furrowed and his eyes glowed fearsome yellow. She glimpsed gleaming fangs and felt her heartbeat quicken. She wasnt ready. She was going to die.

"Catch!" Magaret yelled and tossed a piece of chiselled wood in Faith's direction.

Faith caught it neatly as the man pounced on her. She quickly brought her knees up and kicked her feet into his stomach, causing him to land on his back behind her.

Before he could stand Faith had straddled him, leaning back slightly to avoid his flailing arms and snapping mouth. She raised the stake and looked to Magaret for guidance.

"The heart!" Magaret pointed to her own," Through the heart!"

Faith brought the stake down in a quick stabbing motion and fell back startled as the man exploded in a shower of dust.

Magaret clapped enthusiastically and seemed to bounce on the spot a little.

"Bravo," she cheered," My job is going to be easy. You're a natural Faith."

She helped Faith to stand and brushed her down gently before straightening her jacket and smiling again.

"Tomorrow we commence training."

"Training?"

"I've got to make sure you're a well honed fighting machine," Magaret joked," and get you in touch with your inner slayer."

She sounds nice.

She was. Where's my coffee?

Part IV Urgh! Tastes like shit!

Instant

Oh. How about you tell me a little about your life? Quid Pro Quo, right?

Sure.

A young Lindsey watched while his father signed the deeds for the amily home over to the repossesors. He couldnt understand how his father could be laughing and joking with them while his mother was breaking her heart in the back room.

His mother had always been the strong one. She worked all the hours she could, scrubbing floors and packing groceries, just to make ends meet.

His father couldnt work anymore due to an accident at his last job but Lindsey despised him, blamed him for his mother becoming paler and more withdrawn with the passing months.

He remembered when it had been just him and his older sister, before his younger siblings had come along. The days then seemed so much shorter, filled with laughter and fun but then in the space of three years his mother had fallen pregnant and given birth to two sets of twins.

Suddenly the days seemed to drag by. She no longer had the time or energy to spend with her children.

When his father's accident had occured Lindsey remembered the facade of a smile on her lips and the flat tone of her voice as she'd promised that they would get by.

But they never did. First they'd lost the house and then his two youngest siblings had died of the flu. That was when his mother had given up. She barely rose frm her bed yet his father continued to laugh and joke, denying the hell they were now existing in.

Lindsey had got himself two or three part time jobs, delivering papers and cleaning tables at the local cafe among others anhe'd buried himself in his school work, determined that he would get out. He would show his father that success was possible for at least one of the McDonalds.

***

Sounds tough.

Not as tough as yours.

Nice subject change. Okay, back to me.

Faih trained every night, throwing all her anger and frustration into her new identity. She loevd the feeling of power that fighting gave her and the sincere praise Magaret bestowed upon her. She even enjoyed the study that was also involved.

She would curl up her legs while sitting on Magaret's couch and just listen to the history of the slayer. It amazed her that throughout the ages of man there had been young girls chosen to fight the spawn of hell. It felt as though she were in a dream and she could have believed that if it were not for the cuts and bruises on her body acting as evidence of her nightly run-ins with vampires.

"There is currently a girl who is the Chosen One Faith," Magaret explained while she drank a steaming mug of coffee. Faith sipped her soda," I'm training you up in case she should be killed. Of course even then they may pick another Slayer-in-training."

"So what do I do in the meantime?" Faith asked. She was eager to live her new life and did not like the thought of having to wait until god knew when she was allowed to.

"The slayer can't be everywhere Faith," Magaret smiled knowingly," We shall travel and I shall teach you the ways of the slayer en-route. How does that sound?"

"Travel? But school and...." she couldnt imagine leaving Jordy behind, the thought of him being subjected to life alone with her mother and father broke her heart.

"You will learn all you need to with me Faith," Magaret's face was solemn now," You are to be the protector of mankind. You cant do that here."

Faith nodded in understanding. She had dreamed of an escape from the depravity of her existce and now the opportunity had presented itself. It was time to say her goodbyes.

I think our time's up for today Lin

Can I come back tomorrow?

Knock yourself out but bring chocolate next time huh?

Part V

Faith couldnt believe how pleased she was that Lindsey arrived the next day as he'd promised. She guessed it was because he broke the tedium of her day a little and he was a good listener. She still felt suspicious about his motives but decided that what she was telling him didnt matter that much anyway.

He smiled as she sat down and pushed a chocolate bar her way. Faith smiled a thank you and began unwrapping it quickly.

"You have a nice smile," Lindsey commented. Faith frowned and placed the chocolate back onto the table.

"Listen Lindsey, save the compliments. I'm having trouble trusting you as it is."

Lindsey stared at Faith, slightly hurt by her words then shook his head in resignation.

"Fine, but I meant it."

"Whatever," Faith looked about her, trying to clear her thoughts again," Shall I continue my tale?"

Lindsey nodded. Faith noticed that he seemed slightly more comfortable in her company than the day before and she felt pleased, as much as she didnt trust him, she liked him being there.

***

Where was I?

About to say your goodbyes

Oh yeah. Got tissues handy? Just kiddin'

The drive to her house seemed extraordinarily long. Faith was glad that Magaret did not attempt any light conversation on the way as she didn't need any distractions.

Her stomach was churning. She didn't want to leave Jordy behind but Magaret had explained that there was no possible way he could accompany them, that the path she was about to take was dangerous enough without the responsibility of shielding a child from such horrors.

They pulled up outside of the trailer and Faith inhaled deeplyShe had been planning to just walk in, pack a few belongings and walk back out again. She didnt want to see anyone, didnt want to have to explain. She had felt it would be easier to simply disappear but her mother and Jordy were seated outside of the trailer.

Faith stepped out and faced them, her mother's eyes narrowing with suspicion and envy as she looked at Magaret's car.

"Where you been Faith?" she asked, her tone low and threatening.

"I'm going Mama," Faith replied and strode past her into the trailer. Her mother followed quickly, balancing Jordy precariously on one hip.

"Going? What the hell you talking about?"

"There's things I gotta do, things you wouldnt understand," Faith said as she shoved her clothes into a hold-all.

"Your place is here," her mother roared," Who's the bitch in the car?"

"She isn't a bitch," Faith turned and glared at her mother.

"Sure sure. So what she got planned for ya Faith? I heard a lotta men and women like young girls."

Faith smacked her mother across the cheek, causing her to drop Jordy onto the floor. He started to wail loudly so Faith scooped him up into a quick embrace.

"No matter what she tells you Jordster, you are worth a million of her and I love you," she whispered, keeping her eyes firmly locked on her mother who stood holding her face in pain and shock," and I will come back. You gotta be strong Jordy."

"Fay," he sobbed, suddenly clinging to her as if he understood that she was leaving him," Love Fay."

Faith gulped back the tears and placed him onto her bed. She unclasped her silver necklace that was a gift she had been given by her grandmother the year she had died. A tiny silver crucifix glimmered in the lamplight. She gently fastened it around her brother's neck then kissed his forehead.

Shoving the last of her clothes into the bag, Faith turned back to her mother and looked her in the eye.

"I'll be back," e hissed," and god help you if he isnt happy. Believe me, if you treat him like you treated me, I'll kill you slowly."

Then she threw the bag over her shoulder and walked proudly out to the car where Magaret waited patiently for her.

"You bitch!" her mother screamed after her as Magaret reversed out of the camp and then drive quickly away.

Did you ever go back?

Whoa there hun! Getting ahead of yourself a little aint ya?

I apologize.

I should think so.

Part VI

Faith picked up the bar of chocolate and broke off a slab before offering some to Lindsey. He shook his head in refusal.

"So, was your farewell any sweeter than mine?" she asked him through a mouthful of the sweet confectionary. Lindsey had bought her the good stuff and it melted deliciously on her tounge.

"Not really, I pretty much promised I would visit regularly," Lindsey cast his eyes downward. Faith couldnt decide whether it was in guilt or regret. She stayed silent, savouring the taste of the chocolate while she waited for him to continue," I never went back, I send money every month though."

Faith nodded, reluctant to pass any comment on his decisions. She had nothing to be proud of so she was in no place to pass judgement on his mistakes.

" So, where did you and Magaret go first?"

"Georgia."

"Why Georgia?" Lindsey looked a little surprised, fearful even and Faith silently wondered why.

"Why not?" she replied and broke off another slab.

"Want to tell me about your time there?"

"Oh, I see, back to business is it?"

***

We arrived at night. Magaret sais we'd book into a motel and then get to work.

The trees rustled in the warm breeze and the moonlight cast its effervescent glow over all that lay below it. Owls hooted conversationally. Faith had never felt so in awe of a place, everything seemd new and exciting.

Magaret unlocked the door to their room and stepped inside before giving a cry of despair.

"Oh dear!" she stood still, unsure of whether to continue any further," Its disgusting!"

Faith took in the scene. The wallpaper was littered with damp patches, the carpet frayed from years of use and the bed clothes looked as if they had never seen a washing machine.

"There's always the car," she whispered.

"There's always a better hotel," Magaret countered," Sod the council and their cheepskate ways."

She turned and retrieved their bags before returning to the car. She beckoned for Faith to follow but Faith lingered a little, still mesmerised by her surroundings and curious as to what horror lurked behind its illusion of tranquility.

"Faith," Magaret called," Now."

***

The hotel they finally checked into was not extremely luxurious but it had a television and the room was clean. Faith sat down on the bed and watched as Magaret unpacked.

"You should perhaps freshen yourself up," Magaret advised," We may have a lot to do tonight, I want you alert."

"Sure," Faith replied and walked through to the en-suite bathroom. The florescent overhead light was harsh and unforgiving as she studied her face, surprised that she looked older than before.

She splashed someold water onto her face and then looked back at the mirror. What on earth had she done?

She had left behind the life she knew, the brother she loved and for what? Promises of a destiny fraught with danger. Was she nuts? And what did this elusive council want with teenage girls?

"Faith? Are you ready?"

"Yeah, one sec," she cast a final look at her reflection and sighed. She'd come too far to go back now.

Faith jumped slightly as she realised that Magaret was watching her with concern. She didnt resist when the woman wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close.

"You have a place in the world Faith," Magaret whispered," but this is the bravest thing you will ever do. Dont be afraid to open up to me. Unspoken emotions are more damaging than you will ever know."

"Sure," Faith replied and walked out to prepare for the night ahead.

Wise words.

Yeah. She knew what she was talking about did Mags.

Part VII

So what happened?

Staked a few vamps, kicked some demon butt, pretty much par for the course. I couldn't understand why Mags wanted to stick around.

Did you find out?

Oh hell yes.

Magaret had seemed preoccupied every night Faith had patrolled but this night she seemed worse. She didnt give Faith the same attention as usual and Faith threw herself into the slaying more, trying to ellicit a respons rom her Watcher. The feeling of power was growing with each vampire she killed, so much so that Faith felt invincible and began to tease her prey.

Magaret just looked around at the surroundings constantly. She seemed edgy as though she expected something worse to attack at any moment. Every rustle of a tree or a snap of a twig in the undergrowth made Magaret jump.

Faith staked another vampire, watched him turn to dust and then turned back to Magaret, expecting her to enthusiastically applaud her work.

Magaret did not look at her, she kept her eyes fixed on the expanse of wood that lay to her left. She was holding her breath Faith realised and she copied this action. Suddenly all her senses were double their usual strength. She could hear something snuffling through the mossy grass under the trees but couldnt decide whether it was merely a harmless animal or something more sinister.

Another vampire slowly emerged from the bushes. He didnt rush at them manically or growl threateningly, he just stood still and pointed at them.

"He knows who you are," he hissed finally," You dared to come back! Did you think he would forget?"

Magaret's face was ashen as she began to tremble uncontrollably at e vampire's presence. Faith began to advance towards him, intent on achieving another slay but Magaret pulled her back.

"He will hunt you down and the girl too!" the vampire shrieked and then tore away from them. Faith was itching to persue but Magaret had a tight hold on her arm.

"What the hell....?" Faith started, yanking herself from Magaret's grip.

"We need to leave," Magaret whispered, her voice betraying the panic she was feeling.

"We've only been here a week," Faith protested.

"Dont argue with me!" Magaret shouted and Faith stepped back, shocked by the harshness of her Watcher's tone.," Oh Faith....I'm sorry."

Faith turned away from her and kicked at a piece of dirt. She didnt look back at Magaret as she was both worried and hurt by her behaviour.

"What did he mean 'he knows who you are', who knows?" she asked.

"I cant explain, not yet," Magaret touched Faith's arm gently," We really must go. I got what I came for, there is no other reason to stay."

"Except we're letting a bunch of vamps run us out of town when I could kill them."

"Not this one Faith. I won't watch you die."

Magaret walked back towards the hotel, looking around her as she did do. The fear was etched on her face and her pace was increasing with every step.

"Fuck it." Faith muttered and followed slowly behind.

Where did you go next?

We travelled for two years but we never stayed anywhere or long. Magaret was different after that night, on edge all the time, she hardly slept. Then she said we had to go back to Boston.

That was where you were from right?

Right.

Part XIII

I didnt want to go back, I tried everything to change her mind but Mags felt I should touch base or something.

So you went home?

I never had a home Lindsey but yeah.

Magaret pulled up outside of the trailer park and waited for Faith to get out. Neither said anything. Magaret had already explained that she had re-leased the same apartment as before and that she would wait for Faith there It was time for Faith to make her peace, she had said.

Faith looked at her Watcher and took her hand, desperate to be given the strength she needed to return to her mother. She was stronger now, more self-assured, but the thought of seeing her family again terrified her.

She had yearned to learn how Jordy was but now she was afraid he would be a sad, self-loathing child just like she had been. She couldn't remember much about her childhood but she knew that it had been miserable.

Magaret squeezed her hand and smiled.

"Remember, you don't have to stay, you know where I am."

Faith nodded and gave an unconvincing grin then she stepped out onto the road.

Magaret smiled again and waved as she drove away, leaving Faith to feel the same sense of foreboding she used to experience every day she returned there.

Slowly she walked towards her parent's trailer. She felt as though she were walking through a tunnel, no other sights penetrated her focus and no sounds invaded her thoughts.

"Breathe Faith," she mumbled to herself," You aint the same. You're better than them."

She brought her fst up and thumped on the door three times then cast her eyes down at her feet as she waited for someone to answer.

"What?" a man asked and Faith looked at him in confusion. Who the hell was this? Another of her mother's many men?

"Is my mom in?" she said and barged past him into the trailer where a woman and three children jumped at her intrusion.

"Hey! Get the hell outta here," the man shouted and pulled her back towards the door. Faith effortlessly shrugged him off and looked around as the realisation began to hit her.

"They left?" she asked, almost to herself.

"I dunno who you are but you cant just barge into our home."

"Greg, wait," the woman said as she walked towards Faith," Who're you lookin' for hun?"

"Lowell and Amy Andrews," Faith replied, her body beginning to feel numb.

"That must be those folks who stayed here before us," the woman said to what Faith presumed to be her husband," They didn't leave an address did they?"

"No address," the man replied gruffly," So you can leave now."

He held the door open and Faith walked down the steps, not even hearing the door being slammed shut behind her. She cast a look back at the trailer and then headed towards Magaret's apartment.

They had left. Moved on. They didn't care. She was nothing to them.

The anger started to rise from within Faith's stomach, unwinding its coils and filling her entire being.

They had taken Jordy. Gone to fuck knew where. No address.

Faith threw herself at a roadsign and began to kick and punch at it wildly. Although it offered no means of a threat her hands were quickly becoming a bloody mess as she continued to pummel the jagged metal her assault had left behind. As the anger began to subside Faith fell to the ground sobbing.

***

Lindsey said nothing. He'd loathed his background, used it as an excuse for every unforgivable and immoral thing he had ever done but his parents had always cared.

He'd turned his back on them, hadnt even given his siblings a second thought but here was a girl who had next to nothing to offer yet would have laid down every little thing she did have for her brother. And he'd been taken from her.

Lindsey sighed loudly and bit back the tears he could feel building within him. He knew Faith didn't want his pity and he wouldnt disrespect her by showing it.

He was about to speak when the guard stepped forward and yanked Faith from her seat.

"Hey...." he started, angered by the roughness of her treatment.

"Time's up," the guard snapped.

"Tomorrow..." Lindsey began again, this time to Faith who held his gaze the whole time.

"No," the guard interrupted again," Little missy here can't have weekend visitors. Monday."

"Monday," Lindsey echoed, his eyes firmly on Faith.

"Sure," Faith replied and was then led away by the guard, leaving Lindsey alone in the stark room with only his thoughts for company.

Part IX

Lindsey felt as though he were walking in a daze for the whole weekend. He desperately tried to explain to himself his reasons for visiting Faith. He had initially wanted to probe her for clues to Angel's weaknesses but now he simply yearned to know everything about her past.

He walked across to his drinks cabinet and poured a scotch hoping that if he drank enough he could escape the tumulous confusion that the memories of his past were causing.

His good hand shook as he sipped his drink. What the hell was he doing? If the Senior Partners had the slightest idea that he was visiting Faith for anything other than destroying Angel then he had no doubt he would be terminated.

Suddenly he realised that he no longer cared. The threat of death hung over his head every single day and he knew either the Senior Partners or Angel would kill him at some point.

He padded across to his chair and collapsed into it, praying for it to swallow him whole and put an end to everything. He knew he would go bck to her, he needed to know the entire story now.

He needed to know if redemption was still possible.

***

Lindsey had been working for Wolfram and Hart for a year when his father had paid him a visit. As he opened the door and saw his smiling face he could feel the vomit rise in his throat. He left the door open and walked back to his desk.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped as he sat down and opened a file, keeping his gaze averted from his father's.

"I was in the neighbourhood..." his father started cheerfully.

"From Georgia? Right. What do you want?" Lindsey's voice was full of bitterness and accusation and his father's smile disappeared.

"To see how you are son, we havent heard from you in a while," he attempted to explain.

Lindsey opened his desk drawer and fished around for a pen.

"Been busy," he mumbled and began writing.

"Too busy to phone your mother?" his father was angry now but Lindsey could tell he was trying to hide it and he could have laughed at the absurdity of him trying to make light of any situation.

"Here," Lindsey said and held a piece of paper out to his father. It was taken from his hand and studied.

"A check? You think that's why I'm here?" the sadness in his voice made Lindsey stop for a moment but as he looked into his eyes he remembered where he was from and he hated it.

"Yeah. You got it.....so don't come back. Geeze Dad, dont I send you enough already?"

His father angrily tossed the check back at him and stormed towards the door. Just before he left he shook his head sadly and sighed.

"I love you son," he whispered as he closed the door.

Part X

"What you got there?" the guard asked as she led Lindsey down the corridor towards the room he and Faith had been allocated.

"A book," Lindsey replied simply.

"For her? She sure don't strike me as the reading type," the guard commented.

"Maybe she isn't but she always has a choice," Lindsey said. He kept his eyes on the door to the room, his heartbeat thudding in his ears.

"I s'pose," the guard chuckled," Rather limited to her choices in here though."

Lindsey ignored the guard. He had decided to open up more to Faith but this had made him increasingly nervous. He'd never talked about his decisions or mistakes with anyone since he'd tried with Angel only to be laughed at.

He felt the familiar hatred of the vampire build within him and he attempted to push it away. Faith adored Angel, she believed that he had saved her and she trusted him. He, on the other hand, had tried to have her killed, so if it came to a choice between the two he knew who she would pick.

The door swung open and Lindsey was surprised to see Faith already seated before him.

"You're late," she said.

"Sorry, traffic was awful," he replied with a smile and took his seat.

"I was worried you wouldn't be back," Faith mumbled," I thought you might be dead."

"Not yet," Lindsey said without thinking," Sorry, I mean, no I'm not dead."

"Could you be killed for visiting me?" Faith asked and Lindsey was impressed with her insight.

"Maybe, it doesn't matter," Lindsey pushed the book towards her," I brought you a gift."

"Bram Stoker's Dracula." Faith read the title and laughed," You're kiddin' me right?" Lindsey smiled.

"I thought you might be missing the vampires," he said," Wen you've finished that I've got some Anne Rice books you can borrow."

Faith coinued to laugh and Lindsey just sat and watched her. It wasn't a bitter laugh, she was truely happy and he basked in the glory of making someone feel good.

"I can't wait," she giggled as the laughter subsided a little," Thank you."

"You're welcome. So....?"

"Oh yeah. Time's short isnt it? On with the show."

*** So where did you go after you found out you had been...uh...

Abandoned? I went to the only person who cared.

Faith walked slowly up the stone steps to Magaret's apartment. The numbness had returned and she didnt know how she'd got there. She stared blankly around her, her eyes stinging from the tears she'd shed. She knocked on the door and waited, her body shivering uncontrollably.

Magaret opened the door and gasped as Faith collapsed into her arms.

"Your hands!" Magaret exclaimed, taking one and examining it gently," What on earth happened?"

"They left, they left," Faith murmered into Magaret's arms," No address, they took Jordy, no address."

"Faith,"Magaret said softly," I need you to calm down. Let's get these hands seen to then we'll talk."

"They left me!" Faith shrieked at Magaret and raised her hand to hit her. Magaret cowered back slightly and Faith stared at her in horror," Oh god!"

Magaret approached her slowly and wrapped her arms around her again. She whispered softly into Faith's hair.

"You don't need anyone else. You have me."

Part XI

I moved in with Magaret and aside from missing Jordy and stuff, things were great.

And stuff?

Well, its not nice knowing you meant squat to the people who created you but I got over it.

Uh huh. So, things were great?

For a while....

Faith quickly settled into Magaret's home and they both enjoyed each other's company. Faith now regarded her Watcher as the mother she should have had.

The emptiness hadnt disappeared though and no matter how much affection Magaret showered upon her it did not fill the deep void in her heart.

She had started to slay alone, telling Magaret she was just going to the cinema or th ice-rink. She knew that Magaret suspected but she wanted to take out her frustrations on the vampires without Magaret analysing her every move.

When the slaying didnt help rid her of he betrayal, she had begun to find men, hoping they would need her and want her, wanting the moments of intimacy to make her feel whole again. Every time though she had been disappointed either by their performance, brief fumblings followed by fast intercourse, or their nonchalant behaviour afterwards.

With each failed relationship Faith's bitterness grew. Nobody needed or wanted her apart from Magaret and did she only want her because she was a potential slayer?

Magaret began to notice Faith's behaviour changing and it worried her. She desperately wanted to leave, fearfu of staying too long in any place incase the vampire and his army tracked them down, but she felt that this might be the reason for Faith's change. She needed roots and Magaret was now determined to give them to her.

She also decided to explain about the current slayer, Buffy Summers. She wanted Faith to know more about the Chosen One, she hoped it would create a kship should the worst happen.

Of course it was against Council regulations for Slayers to meet but it was all unravelling quickly since Buffy had died and had then been resusitated.

There were two current slayers now and Magaret was secretly overjoyed. To her,every Slayer-in-training was a chosen one, the whole world was filled with vampires and Slayers-to-be were fighting them. Magaret detested the term Chosen 'One'.

She would tell her everything and if Kakistos should catch up with them then Faith would have somewhere to go. She wouldnt be alone again.

Part XII

Who or what is Kakistos?

A vampire, a really old ugly vampire.

Why was he hunting you both?

I'm not sure. There was a book that Magaret kept with her at all times....

He killed her didnt he?

Ripped her apart while I watched.

Faith scrambled back to the wall, trying to tear her eyes away from the scene but unable to. Magaret's screams filled her ears as Kakistos plunged his cloven hooves into her chest.

Faith trembled at the sound. She knew she should run, Magaret had told her to run, but she felt frozen to the spot.

Another vampire approached her slowly, his lips pulled back in a grotesque grin.

"Gonna bag me a slayer," he taunted in a sing song voice.

Magaret's explanation of the sacred duty flooded back to Faith.

"You are a slayer, though you may not be the Chosen One yet. You have power and you can use it."

Faith stood up slowly. Magaret was still screaming but Faith eyes were now locked on the vampire who thought he would defeat her.

"You want me sugar lips? Come and get me," she yelled and ran out of the apartment into the night.

She could hear him behind her, his feet pounding the gravel underfoot and his cursing her loudly. She whirled round and slammed her fist into his jaw

" You son of a bitch!" she screamed and followed with a roundhouse kick to his neck. He thudded to the ground and Faith yanked him back up by his shirt collar. She kept a tight hold as she punched him repeatedly until his own blood was covering his face.

"You mother-fucking bastard!" she produced the stake from her back pocket and plunged it into the vampire's chest. The explosion of dust seemed to snap her out of her rage and she realised that Magaret was no longer screaming. Faith had lost her.

She turned and fled, knowing that Kakistos would be coming for her next. She needed help. She needed Buffy Summers.

So you went to Sunnydale? What was it like?

The stuff of slayers' dreams.

Part XIII

Faith stepped out of the truck and looked around her. So this was it? Sunnydale. The place where the 'Chosen One' fought all of the monsters who were attracted by the hellmouth? Cool.

It felt strange. She had always resented being the odd one out yet as she stood and stared at the town, attracting curious looks from passers-by, she relished her uniqueness. She was special and she was different from these normal, oblivious people but she wasnt alone anymore. She was going to find another slayer.

She wanted to yelp with joy but kept a tight hold of her cool exterior. The memory of Magaret's mutilation also succeeded in dampening her spirits. Kakistos would be coming, he would find her.

She needed to cut loose, to just forget for a while, so she walked across to the grocery store to buy some candy.

Picking up a bag she walked up to the counter where the young male clerk was trying to disguise the fact he had been checking her out.

"Hey," she said, placing her elbows on the counter and leaning forward slightly, loving the way the clerk's cheeks reddened as he attempted to avert his gaze from her cleavage," What do you guys do to party round here?"

"Um...um..." the clerk was extremely flustered in her presence," The..the Bronze."

"Club?" she asked and opened the bag, taking a chocolate from within and popping it into her mouth, sucking her finger sensually as she did so," Where can I find it?"

"K-keep going along this road, turn left and the f-first right and y-you cant miss it."

"Thanx babe," she said and sauntered out of the store without paying, knowing that the clerk would be too preoccupied with his hard-on to even notice.

"Time for fun," she laughed and made her way to the Bronze, sucking the chocolate as she did so.

Sounds like you made yourself known.

Yeah. What about you? The bright lights of LA must have made an impact.

Not really.

***

Lindsey couldnt believe he'd made it to Los Angeles and while he had thought he would be elated in reality he was disappointed, again.

He'd always hated standing out. At his home town he was always on the sidelines, recipient to disgusted and pity filled looks as the townsfolk took in his appearance.

"Marti McDonald's boy,"he would hear them whisper to one another," Tragic isnt it?"

Now he stood, in the one set of clothes he had saved hard to buy, ready to enter the halls of learning of the prestigious Hastings Law School. He knew that he would stand out again, a poor boy who had been given the pity scholarship. He would have to mingle with all the rich kids whose daddies had simply insisted they attend the same school they did.

It would be exactly the same here, he would still be alone but this time he no longer gave a damn.

Part XIV

Faith sat on her hard, cot-like bed reading the book Lindsey had given her. Some of it was hard going and she wasnt sure she liked the sympathetic quality of Dracula but then she remembered Angel was a vampir too but still, he was a mean son of a bitch before the curse. Faith guessed it was the thougnt of a vampire naturally haing a soul that irked her.

She sighed and dropped the book onto her bed. She couldnt concentrate, her thoughts already preoccupied with Lindsey.

They were alike in so many ways. Shunned by society, never feeling a part of the goodness, unneccessary and unwanted. They were both lost souls and of course the darkness embraced them, made them belong to it.

She wondered why Angel had saved her but had left Lindsey to the worst fate Both she and Lindsey had tried to kill Angel and hurt his friends yet he had seen through her facade of blackness to the death wish that lay beneath it, to the self-loathing. Well, if Angel wouldnt help him she sure as hell would try.

***

"Good morning," Lindsey said as he entered the room. Faith looked at him and frowned.

"I had a thought," she said and almost laughed when Lindsey pretended to be stunned," Havent you got a job anymore? No clients you should be defending?"

"I'm on a break," he replied and averted his gaze from hers.

"Lucky me," she said and was relieved that he smiled," Where's my gift?"

Lindsey cursed inwardly, he hoped this wasnt going to be a case of no gift, no story. He had thought they had got past all of that.

"I didnt...." he started.

"Hey, kiddin'," she laughed," I s'pose I should get on and tell you all about B and me huh?"

"B?"

"Buffy Summers," Faith said with an apologetic look.

Lindsey nodded, he had a feeling Buffy was going to be important.

Part XV

Faith shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She had done so much deliberating on her actions in Sunnydale but when it actually came to voicing them to s omeone else, she froze.

Lindsey didnt push, he just hel her gaze whenever she deigned to look at hi m and she could feel his eyes on her even when she didn't.

Time seemed to stop and whizz by at the same time. She didnt know what to say and she could find no plausibl excuse for what she had done to the peop le who could have been her friends.

"I hated her...no, that's wrong....I hated the fact she had everything I never did," Faith was surprised by her own voice and her eyes shot up to Lindsey to see whether he had suffered the same reaction. He still said no thing, he just kept his eyes on her. Faith coughed and ignalled to the guar d," Hey, whats a girl gotta do to get a drink round here?"

The guard glared at her then knocked on the door for assistance.

"What did she have?" Lindsey finally spoke and his voice contradicted his calm exterior.

"Friends, family, a mother who gave a damn," Faith felt the familiar st irrings of her jealousy grow inside her," The title of the Chosen One, fu cking respect..."

She bunched her hands into fists underneath the table, yearning to lash out a something but desperately trying to keep control.

"You didnt get respect." It wasnt a question and Lindsey's voice was de ep with regret and empathy.

"Squat," Faith said, still battling with her emotions," I'd work my a ss off slaying vampires, killing demons and trying so damn hard to fit in a nd be liked but all the thanks, al the credit and all the goddamn love went on her, Miss B, light of everyone's life."

Lindsey stared at her with amazement. She was seeling redemption even though the raw hurt and bitterness still existed. He could imagine those words coming from his own mouth in regards to Angel but he was still set on the path of revenge and recrimination.

"If you had the chance, would you still...?" he faltered, knowing the a nswer already. Of course she wouldn't kill Buffy. She was redeeming herself. She was better than him, she had taken responsibility for her own pain.

Faith said nothing, she felt the connection between them growing every day but she was frightened and confused. Angel had hundreds of years on her, he was qualified to save souls. What did she have? She couldn't counsil Lindsey on his decisions while she still hadnt worked out her own.

"What did you do?" Lindsey asked. He wasnt sure why he wanted to know now. To justify his own deeds,'hers are worse so I'mnot completely lost ye t?' He sighed. This was getting difficut and he didnt want this type of confusion. He yearned for the clarity his biterness had given him and he craved some alcohol.

"Forget it," he said, more angrily than he had meant to, then he stood up," I cant..."

"It takes time," Faith murmered," You've not hit rock bottom yet, you haven't seen the true darkness or realised what you've got to lose."

Lindsey glared at her and shook his head before turning towards the door. Faith's voice made him pause just before he left the room.

"Dont leave me like this," she said, the alien note of desperation caus ing her voice to waver slightly. Lindsey took a deep breath, turned and smiled.

"I will be back," he said," I need to think thats all. I'll see you in a couple of days Faith."

Faith nodded. A couple of days was good, she needed to think too, she need e to prepare. She would save his soul, she swore it on her life.

Part XVI

Lindsey sat on a barstool, his elbows perched precariously on the edge of the bar as he stared into his drink.

He'd chosen the sleaziest bar he knew simply so he would be left alone with his thoughts. At the bars he would usually visit he would have been pestered by amorous women and ambitious co-workers. Here everyone was suspicious of everyone else and if you kept your eyes straight ahead they generally ignored you.

His mind raced over everything he'd done under the guise of revenge on Angel. He'd done things that would horrify his family. His father would be ashamed and his mother would cry and for the first time the thought brought him pain.

He felt a shiver race through his body and he grabbed the glass and tipped the contents down his throat, desperately seeking the numbing quality it usually offered.

What was it Faith had said to him? You haven’t seen true darkness? If this whole mess wasn’t true darkness then he was terrified as to what his future would hold.

He had thought he was in love with Darla yet he had cursed her to evil when he was ordered to do so. What kind of man did that make him? Now she was a vampire with a completely insane sidekick called Drusilla and they were loose upon the city. They were free to bring horror and torment to all that lived there and it was his fault.

And yet he still continued to obey Wolfram and Hart. When he'd heard of their plans to steal the money from a children's shelter, a place similar to that which had provided a roof, food and clothing during some of his teenage years, he had wanted to intervene and stop it but didn’t. When Angel had threatened to expose this plan to everyone he had acted how Wolfram and Hart and Angel would have expected him to but deep down he had hoped Angel would do it. Anything to force him to do something other than obey and then bitch about it to himself.

That’s why he'd gone to Faith. Thanks to him Angel was no longer in the business of saving souls, thanks to him Angel was slowly unraveling. It was ironic that he wanted redemption when there was no one around to give it to him.

He laughed bitterly, aware of but not interested in the strange looks he was given by others at the bar.

Why Faith though? She couldn’t offer him enlightenment could she? Although when she was telling him about her life he had certainly felt humbled.

He ran the fingers of his left hand idly through his hair and closed his eyes. Maybe he was seeking an ally? Someone to help him right the wrongs he'd done.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, he opened his eyes, grabbed his coat and stalked out into the driving rain. If he was going to do this he would have to make peace with his past first.

***

Faith sat and stared at her hands. She could hear screaming and crying from the next cell but her expression remained emotionless. She replayed her last conversation with Lindsey over and over, trying unsuccessfully to piece together clues as to why he had suddenly seemed so angry and so afraid.

She had used her only phone call to contact Angel but nobody had answered and she couldn’t bring herself to dial Cordelia's number, knowing that her voice would be less than welcome to Miss Chase.

The sudden need to talk to Mayor Wilkins hit her like the time Buffy had stabbed the knife into her gut. She could see his face and hear his voice as he told her the same thing he always had,

"Faith. You really need to believe in yourself more."

He had really loved her, he had been the only person to see the vulnerable girl who lay beneath her brusque exterior since Margaret.

Faith was plagued with the image of her late Watcher, her face bloody and gray with the first touches of death but this time she opened her eyes and smiled.

"Let the guilt go Faith."

Faith's eyes snapped open and she realized that she had fallen asleep. She knew what her dreams meant though. They would never leave her, her goodness or her badness, they would thrive inside, fighting one another for possession of her heart and soul and they would probably rip it apart in an attempt to make her see where she belonged.

She could help Lindsey she decided, all she needed to do was make him see that he had to look after himself and listen to what his heart told him.

If she had done that then she might have turned out differently. If she had relied on herself alone then the jealousy and hurt and despair would never have taken hold.

She curled up into a ball on top of her covers and sobbed quietly before drifting into a dream of solitude and peace.

Part XVII

Faith’s dreams were haunted with images of Buffy and she tossed and turned until her covers were wrapped around her like ropes, pinning her to the bed. She awoke screaming as Buffy finally plunged her bare hand into her chest and tore out Faith’s still beating heart. She touched her face tentively, worried that she might still be dreaming and any moment Buffy would drop down from the ceiling and finish the job. She was partially disappointed that she wasnt.

There was no way out of this. The choices she had were a life behind bars in a state penitentiary or a life shrouded in darkness. A short bitter laugh escaped in a gulp. Some choice.

She had to convince Lindsey to stop now or face a fate worse than her own.

She wasnt sure if Angel gave a damn about anybody anymore, she hadnt seen him for so long and her heart ached at the thought of being forgotten again. No-one cared if she lived or died, the only one who had was Mayor Wilkins and he was dead and gone.

She pondered briefly whether Lindsey would miss her but realised that he was locked in a perpetual cycle of bitterness and lonliness. All she did was offer him a distraction from his evil, back-stabbing enviroment.

She wouldnt be a toy, a play thing that he would use and then discard and she was damn well gonna tell him that.

***

Lindsey lounged back in his arm chair, rolling his glass of scotch across his brow as he listened to the telephone ring in his ear. He had been trying to contact his father for over two hours and the sudden dread that filled him when he thought of him gone startled him to the bone.

He sighed miserably and leant forward to replace the receiver when he heard a click and a breathless voice say hello.

"Dad?" he croacked, his mind suddenly emptying of thought.

"Lindsey?" the surprise in his father’s voice brought involuntary tears to Lindsey’s eyes.

"What’s wrong Dad? Why are you so out of breath?" Lindsey couldnt believe how concerned he actually was and tried to convince himself to slam down the phone and never call again.

"Just got back from the hospit...oh."

"Hospital?" Lindsey roared," What the hell is going on?"

"Its your mother Lindsey," his father voice was now deep with anger and regret," All the times I tried to contact you were to tell you she was ill. She had a stroke two years ago and another last week. We don’t...um..."

"Dad?" Lindsey took a gulp of his drink and cringed as it burnt his throat. God, not his mother, anything but that.

"They don’t think she’s got long left Lindsey," his father started sobbing loudly while Lindsey listened in stunned silence to the man who always painted a happy picture breaking his heart.

"Give me two days and I’ll be straight down," Lindsey told him softly.

"She doesnt need your pity," his father spat and Lindsey straightened in his chair.

About time old man, he thought.

"Its not pity, its duty and love," he paused, letting the words sink into his own mind," Two days dad and I will be there."

"Yeah? We’ll see."

The phone went dead and Lindsey stared at it in shock. This was going to be much harder than token gestures and empty sentiments. Obviously the bitterness that had taken its strangle hold on him had reached his father too.

He sat back and downed the rest of his glass while closing his eyes tiredly.

Part XVIII

Lindsey needed to see Faith desperately, and he didn’t care how he did it. He knew that the guards would be reluctant to allow a meeting between them at such late notice so he was frantically running over a believable lie as he drove.

He would tell them he had some urgent family news that only he could tell her, if he had to make it an attorney-client confidentiality issue then he would. This wasn’t exactly a lie but if pressed on it further he would have to elaborate. What could he say? If he told them it was about Faith’s family then he risked raising and dashing her hopes in one fell swoop. Still, he needed to see her.

He pulled his Mercedes up outside the huge, looming walls of the prison, switched of the engine and sat for a moment, listening to the silence. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to get a grip on his emotions and attempting to understand his need to talk with the girl.

He just didn’t want her to think she had been abandoned. He had done that to so many people with possible irreparable repercussions and he wouldn’t do it to her too. He wanted to say thank you.

Lindsey’s eyes snapped open. Thank you. He had never in his life utter those words sincerely and yet here he was battling against the obstacles to say it to Faith. A slayer gone wrong, a good guy tempted and twisted by darkness, a girl who was sinking into nothingness.

Was she saving him, or was he trying to save her?

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel then stepped out into the night and approached the wrought iron entrance. Maybe they were destined to save each other.

***

Faith looked at the guard as he cell door was yanked open. She raised her eyebrows in question, not knowing what the hell was happening. She didn’t think she had done anything to merit a beating that day, but sometimes the guards didn’t need an excuse, maybe it was just her unlucky night.

"Visitor," the guard snapped and Faith frowned before pushing herself from the bed and padding towards the door.

"Kinda late aint it? A girl cant seem to get her beauty sleep round here anymore."

"Just move Andrews," the guard pushing her elbow into Faith’s back and for a moment Faith imagined showing the guard into her cell and beating her to a bloody mess on the floor. She smiled instead and started walking.

"So who’s the night caller then?" she asked, turning slightly to look at the guard.

"Its your hotshot lawyer, your sugar daddy," the guard taunted.

"He’s not my sugar daddy," Faith insisted, despising the way the guard attempted to sully the relationship that had been building between her and Lindsey.

"Yeah sure, whatever, he wants to see you. So hurry up before we tell him no."

***

Lindsey smiled as Faith was led into the room. Faith looked at him curiously then flopped into her seat and inspected her nails, feigning disinterest.

"Do you have a clue what time it is Lindsey?" she asked, not taking her eyes from her hands.

"I figured you wouldn’t be out," Lindsey said and Faith could tell by his tone that he was attempting to make her laugh.

"No. So what do you want?" she wasn’t in the mood for playing games with him. Her dreams had been keeping her awake and throwing her mind into turmoil and she just wanted to hear what he had to say and then return to her cell and be alone. She was better alone, she couldn’t hurt anybody but herself then.

"To say thank you."

Faith jerked her head up to stare at him. Had she heard that properly? Someone was thanking her? The last time someone had said those words she had been inside Buffy’s body so they had never really been directed completely at Faith. She blinked and searched for something to say.

"What for?"

"Everything. Telling me about you, making me wake up. I phoned my father," Lindsey faltered slightly and it was his turn to avert his gaze.

"What happened?" Faith asked, struggling with the urge to place a comforting hand on his.

"My mother is seriously ill. I’m going down there in a couple of days. If it hadn’t been for you I might never have found out, or at least not until it was too late. I can at least try to make amends."

Faith nodded. She was glad he was about to be reunited with his family and her mind was suddenly filled with thoughts of her brother. She felt like crying but didn’t, wasn’t willing to make Lindsey feel guilty about sharing his news with her. She took a deep breath and sighed.

"Good for you," she whispered then added louder than before," Let me know how you get on okay."

"Sure," Lindsey said and started to stand. He looked down at Faith and realised she was trying to cover her sadness with a smile for him. How could he have been so blind to all this? Her brother, she still missed her brother.

He wanted to tell her he would do all that he could but even he didn’t know where to begin and he didn’t want to raise her hopes with false promises. Instead he kept walking towards the door and then turned to look at her again.

"See you soon Faith," he called then exited as the guard held the door open before him.


The End