You must believe me, o my brothers, when I say I didn't start life wanting no devotchka or malchick to serve me kleb and jammiwam every morning. The pee and em were dead and it was just your humble narrator and his droogs, and all was good and horrorshow in the world.
That night had started with me and my droogies sweating it out at some dirty local moloko bar, sloshying the screeching music and viddying the lewdies thrash about on the lighted floor. There was I, of course, your narrator Frodo Baggins, as well as Sam, Mer, and Pip. Mer and Pip were good droogs, not as good with the nozh but enjoying the lubbilubbing and living rooker to rot just the same. Mer was more set in his ideas than Pip, who just followed whatever that malchick did, but they took orders well and thus made excellent companions. Sam was a bit on the slow, with a dazed look about his listo, o my brothers, and always a simmering threat of disobedience. But I was faster with my nozh than he with his oozy, and so I remained leader.
We were all dressed in the very height of fashion, being white suits and bowlers with the decorative crotch piece, our platties clean and pressed. We were feeling very horrorshow and wanting fun and a little deng and the smell of krovvy, so I ordered us out of the shlaga and into the streets. At that hour in that metso the millicents were scarce and the nochy was very dark, so it wouldn't be a long . Sam kept itching at his yarbles and we couldn't but smeck a bit at him, having a bit of cruel fun while we waited.
After a bit we could sloshy the click clack of heels and viddy a little huddled shape go a-hurrying up the street. It looked like some old baboochka out for cancers. Us four moved to the side to appear unthreatening-like, and I stepped forward as soon as she were close, keeping my voice low and smile stretched to show all the zoobies.
'Excuse us, my dear old cheena!'
She made a little crark low in her gorlo and I viddied very soon that this was no decrepit baboochka but a shapely devotchka, with great big goodies and a good mop of dark brown luscious glory and very horrorshow in the litso. Sam and Mer and Pip viddied this quick enough, too, and we soon had her all surrounded. She clutched tight some dusty biblio which made me smeck, and my droogs joined in. She was naught but a nadsat and all a-trembling, so I pressed a kiss onto the top of her dark gulliver, words thick with sarcy.
'No time tonight for the sinny before the regular in-out in-out, love, but you understand don't you?'
Seemed we'd get a bit of ultraviolence after all.
~